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Thursday, June 25, 2009


Wow, what a week this has been! hubby's appointment on Tuesday was totally uneventful! He was supposed to start the Med Board process to either reclass him or Med Board him out of the Army, and instead, somebody messed up and scheduled him for a diagnostic appointment. Obviously they already know what's wrong or they wouldn't have him doing Physical Therapy and all that stuff. So now his appointment isn't until July 31st! Wow. This is the same hospital that was supposed to schedule me with a Rheumatologist knowledgable about Fibromyalgia, and scheduled me with a Rheumatologist in-training instead. Refer to that blog to see how that went! *Sigh* This alone pushed hubs to almost WANT to be Med Boarded out because he's just so unhappy with the lack of care that exists here. We're still praying for what is BEST for us, though, and God's Will.

Then yesterday Bubs had his appointment with the Developmental Pediatrician. I was unable to go because we didn't have a sitter for the little princess so early in the morning. We had already discussed this, but due to the nature of (once again) the doctors not really listening or caring about what hubs had to say, he was really frustrated and told me the rest of the day he wished I had gone. Apparently the doctor asked about medical history, of course, and Joey explained his reading disorder, and the doctor insisted it was dyslexia. He NEVER had dyslexia, he had a word association disorder. It may seem similar, but it's different. But this doctor INSISTED he knows that's what it was. He also told him that toys wouldn't help Bubs calm down because apparently he was in one of his screaming, kicking, biting modes when they got there. Hubs simply replied with "wow, so you already know my son then I guess." He said he knew at that point that this doctor already had an idea in his mind and nothing he said would change it anyway.

So needless to say, I'm a little leary about anything this doctor said anyway. He diagnosed Bubs with a communication disorder and ADHD. Now, we have suspected he has some form of ADHD, but ADHD is very commonly connected to other problems, and generally if you treat those problems, the ADHD is controlled as well. But if you ONLY treat the ADHD, you're not addressing the overall issue. He did suggest we pursue further evaluation from the Child Psychiatrist to check on Childhood Onset Bipolar Disorder or possibly another mood disorder. He said Bubs is too young to diagnose anything like that, but I've heard that's generally how the process starts when a child DOES have it - they are originally diagnosed with ADHD and eventually it is found they have Bipolar Disorder as well. So I don't even know what to think. It's not like I WANT him to have something so serious! But ADHD alone is serious as well! *Sigh*

In the meantime, he wants us to think about putting Bubs on medication. Apparently, it's just slight medication to help "mellow him out," but there is no specific benefit for HIM. It would mostly benefit US as we wouldn't have to try to work around his outbursts as often. I know I have my own problems with the Fibromyalgia, but I don't want to put my 3-year old on medication just for MY benefit. I want to help HIM. The whole reason we're pursuing further evaluation is for HIS benefit. He has an appointment at Pediatrics later in July (yes a regular pediatric appointment even had to be scheduled more than 30 days out - it's terrible!), so we'll talk more about it then. We'll then at least have the Ped fill out more current EFMP paperwork for him including the ADHD diagnosis since his last batch of paperwork was considered "incomplete."

Besides, that diagnosis, they did check the PDD spectrum and decided Brayden wasn't on it, so that is good news. They did confirm he has a slight speech delay, which we obviously already know. Physically he was noted as being healthy. They said his back is straight as well, which was another concern because at one point he was being monitored for a curve in his spine. Praise the Lord that is gone! It did say his muscle tone was "slightly decreased," but that's all it mentions about that. I'm just hoping the regular pediatrician can at least decode some of this for us! Otherwise, I'll check out these websites on the handout they printed out for us.

All this being said, I know how serious ADHD can be. I've alway hated how people just throw out the term loosely like "oh, I have ADD (or ADHD)" Even before Bubs's diagnosis I didn't like this. I want to just yell at them, which is obviously out of character for me. But it's NOT funny! It's a serious disorder and people growing up with it know how hard it can be! It's harder for them to learn and maintain good social relationships. I know it can be managed, and like I said, I want to do everything possible to make sure Bubs has the best chance he can get. But I really do wish people would just stop making those statements! They DON'T have it, and they should be grateful that they don't! Shame on them for making light of a serious disorder!

As for now, we're just praying for God's guidance. I'm leaning more toward walking it out without medical intervention for now, but I will still be in prayer for God's Will. And we will be pursuing further evaluation from the child psychiatrist and go from there. In the meantime just praying for Brayden and working with him like we have been because that's the best we can do. I know God will take care of him - and us. We don't always know why these things come about, but there is always a reason and purpose. We may not know for a while what that is, but even in those moments that I doubt myself as being the "right" mom for Bubs, I KNOW God intended it this way, and I am not only the "right" mom for him, I'm the best mom for him.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Wow. Most of the time I do not understand where the time goes. All I know is I keep planning on getting this, and this, and this done, and then a week goes by and I never get it done! I try to decide how I spend most of my time, and I do get on the computer a lot, but that is because the computer is something I can go to and leave at will where as certain things are not so easy like that. Because the obvious truth is most of my time is spent tending to the kids, pup, and cat. My morning routine takes over an hour, and that doesn't even include getting dressed! That hour is spent changing diapers, getting the kids breakfast, letting the dog out, getting the dog food and water, getting the cat food and water, changing the litter box, feeding the fish, and then getting my breakfast! It doesn't seem like a long routine, but before I know it that hour has passed! And that's on a good day! On days like today where I'm super sore and not moving very well, it takes much longer! So now I'm sitting here still in PJ's looking at the list of people in my classes at work that I need to e-mail, reviewing my product order for Celebrating Home so I will have the new Fall supplies in time to have a party in July, and now thinking about what day in July will be best since we'll be moving the weekend of the 11th, and I'd need to be somewhat unpacked and decorated (at least with my Celebrating Home products anyway) before having people over. Wow. And to think I still want to start my Pea of Sweetness business is a bit overwhelming! The good news is I will be taking on a lot less of the dog training work next month as a new Full-time trainer is coming in. Phew! I seriously wonder how people do it! I try not to be so hard on myself considering right now I'm having more bad days than good as far as the pain and exhaustion from the Fibromyalgia goes. I believe at some point in time I'll "get it all together."

I think the move will help because we just had so many issues with getting settled in this house because there were so many problems, and then you throw in the stairs and the fact that I can't constantly go up and down the stairs, and things get put on the backburner. I honestly don't feel like I have an excuse for never getting fully unpacked, but it is what it is, and now it's time to start packing up again. I'm SO excited about the house we'll be moving into, and I can't wait! It will be SO much better for our family! So I think that alone will help me get motivated to get things unpacked! I still don't really have many friends here to come help me unpack and such, but at least we have a handful of guys from hubby's platoon coming to help us move our stuff!! Who knows... maybe even a few of them will help unpack if they're bored enough! haha

So I do think I'm going to start being harder on myself without being unrealistic. I still don't know my limitations fully. I do know walking in DC for a few hours was beyond my limitations! :/ But as far as getting up and going and getting things done in the house, I still don't know what is ok, and what is too much. I try to err on the side of "ok" because even one day of "too much" can make me have 2 or 3 bad days where I can't do anything! But I've been working out more regularly with the Wii Active, and the Low Intensity workouts on there seem to be perfect! I'm a little sore the next day, but that's more from the working out than the Fibromyalgia. So it's definitely a good way to get me moving again... and back in shape for that matter!

Overall, there's so much going on! As I mentioned, we move into the one-story house in 3 weeks, huba goes to the Orthopedic specialist tomorrow, and Bubs goes to the Developmental Pediatrics Wed. For hubby, he'll find out exactly how bad his knee is, at which point they'll have to re-class him because Infantry men can't have bad knees, or possibly Med Board him. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. He's currently already been put in the office, so they may just keep him there until the end of his term. So who knows? As for Bubs, we'll just be getting more insight on what's going on with him. After this evaluation, the child physchiatrist wants to see him as well. The process is slow-going, but at least we're getting somewhere!

Otherwise, there is all the silly paperwork stuff that still looms in the background! We've been here 8 months and just can't seem to get it all done! My EFMP paperwork should finally be ready to pick up, and I believe they've already put in another referral to a different rheumatologist, but I'd have to call to find out, and the kids turn into pure craziness when I try to get on the phone! We still don't have Bubs's medical records, either, which is beyond frustrating! Plus we have to re-do his EFMP because the dr he saw was well... uninformed I guess. So I have to go pick that up some time as well. I think most people would be able to get this done easily! Especially if the soldier lives on the post where he works! Man, hubs could easily get this stuff done during lunch, but since he works at a post 30+ minutes from here, it's basically impossible. I surely don't have the physical (or emotional for that matter) capability of doing all of this with the kids in tow. Whenever somebody asks us if we like this area, we simply reply with "it's unique." When what I'd really like to say is "no, I hate it. It would be great for single people, but not at all if you have a family... especially since there is no family housing where hubs works, so we HAVE to live 30+ min away. Even if it is on a military installation, it's still not convenient!" I could see how people would enjoy living on the post where their spouse works, but we don't even have that option. I think maybe living in a neighborhood that is not its own little neighborhood not even connected to post will be better, and I'm really looking forward to it, but it would still be easier to get things done if Joey actually worked here. But hey, as far as some people are concerned, I should just "deal with it" despite having this pain and exhaustion and just get it all done myself with the kids in tow. Besides, military wives do it all the time, right? *Sigh*

And yes, we have decided we do still want to have another baby. After having a few weeks to think about things and throw around so many emotions, it totally hit me yesterday that I can't imagine NOT having another baby. I can't imagine not being pregnant again and just experiencing pregnancy again. My heart aches for others that have lost babies and those that have not been able to conceive yet because I know this must be what they're feeling as well! Though I've had some insensitive people say "well, at least you have one of each, so you don't have to have another one." I'm sure they mean well, but that really doesn't help. In fact, I feel it takes from the baby we lost recently and even our other angel baby as well. They are special to us and we love them very much despite having our two children! Of course we have to focus on Bubs and the little Princess, but it doesn't mean we don't have the capacity to miss and love our angel babies! I know some people just don't know what to say, and that's ok, but please don't make light of the situation. Just because we already have two children doesn't mean we feel our family is "complete." I believe God gives everyone different desires as far as family size, and our desire is to have more than 2 children. I guess people can argue with me if they'd like, but I continue to pray and I know God's Will will be done whether that is for us to have another child or maybe not. Either way, we're not running out to buy ovulation tests or anything like that! We're just going to let it happen when and if it may. In the meantime, I am working out more regularly and just making sure I take care of myself in general! And the little Princess finally stopped nursing!! So there one less stress off my body!!

And that's all I have for now because I have to get these e-mails sent out and get the kids their lunch. We haven't been able to do much because it seems Caprice has severe separation anxiety, and it's gotten ugly. I try not to be too hard on myself since it is just that - anxiety - and not a obedience training issue. Her training is spotless unless she gets anxious. She even randomly gets nervous about hubs and will not go near him! He's never done anything to her, but she was just that traumatized before we got her at 12 weeks! It's so sad! So, we're doing what we can to work with it and just praying it gets better so we can have some more freedom again! Yep, off to e-mail!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Wow... so much going on

There has been SO much going on lately. We lost the baby on June 2nd, and that has just been devastating. To take on all the other stuff that's been going on as well has just been physically and mentally exhausting. I will post more when I can.