Finally

I'm finally going to take the time to post a little something. Not much, though. I'm SOOOO busy! Basically, my house is crap in SO many ways. It's just a bad place in general, so I admit I actually lack motivation to keep it nice because no matter how hard I try it looks gross. I mean seriously, we have squirrels in the attic and a big hole in the wall because they had patched up a previous hole with CARDBOARD! What did they expect? All it took was our big pup and her lack of coordination to slide into the wall (because we have ALL linoleum floors - yes, the ENTIRE house), and boom, the hole instantly reopens. My biggest concern was that Caprice (the pup) would then chew and make the hole bigger, but actually the kids play in it!! It's awful! Last time maintenance was here they said they'd fix it, but that never happened. This is the worst place ever. But, it's what we have right now, so I better just suck it up and deal with it. We've looked at some rentals, but we can't afford a place in this area on a PFC's salary! I mean seriously, a 1 bedroom place can be almost $1800, and we need at least a 3 bedroom!

Everybody thinks we're absolutely nuts, but we do want to have another baby. I believe in God's timing, and we aren't actively tracking my ovulation or anything, but we're just believing it will happen when God plans for it to happen, and He will take care of us. He always has! We surely never expected to be able to "afford" Brayden, but we've survived... and so has he! haha :)

We're currently trying to get into ADA housing for my Fibromyalgia and because of Bubs's aggressive tendencies. It's hard enough for me to go up and down the stairs when I'm having a bad day, but it worries me even more what Bubs might do with the stairs when he is having a "bad" day. When he's in "the zone" as I call it because he seriously slips off into his own little world when he has one of his episodes, he will knock down anybody or anything near him with extreme force and not even notice it! I honestly don't even think he notices he did it! The little Princess will be by him crying, and I go to pick her up, and I try to address the situation with him and it's like it doesn't even register. Then I work on getting him to cool off until he's out of "the zone," putting my own physical well-being in harm. I'm extremely sensitive to pain. Something as simple as someone leaning their arm on me can hurt tremendously, so when you have a 3 year old in a pure rage hitting, kicking, biting, head butting, etc., it can be more than a little overwhelming. I've even tried counting, which only sent him further into his rage. So I'm going to try this "1-2-3 Magic" method the child counselor recommended and time him out to his room (after he fights me to get there I'm sure) and see how it goes.

Most people want to blame it (as well as his speech delay) on parenting. That used to bother me, but you know, they can believe what they want because I know the truth. I feel better knowing the little Princess is already putting together 2 word sentences. She does act out a bit, but I believe it's a learned behavior because she sees her big brother doing it all the time! I'm a little skeptical at trying another new parenting method, but I always am. I mean, I've tried EVERYTHING! It's becoming obvious there is something going on. I have also been advised to read "Is my Child Bipolar?" It honestly never crossed my mind. I mean seriously, who would even think of a 3 year old being bipolar!? Little did I know for one, it's extremely genetic, and for two, more than one male in hubby's immediate family has it. *Sigh* So I researched, and I was in tears! Some of it was relief that maybe this wasn't all in my head and that maybe his behavior really IS beyond my control. Some of it was sheer grief because well, it's not exactly a good thing to have! I know intervention can make a huge difference, so we're working with what we have. We have an appt to get an IEP going with the county, but they're basically only looking at his speech. They never saw a behavior issue, which if it really is COBPD (Childhood Onset Bipolar Disorder), that would make total sense! Now it is seriously all clicking! He doesn't ALWAYS have bad moments. He has perfectly good moments where he is the nicest, politest little boy! I LOVE the good moments! His good moments are REALLY good, and his bad moments are REALLY bad.

As of now, though, housing doesn't really care to work with us. They're more than willing to throw is in an ADA house (one-story living) in another older village. We're in the worst neighborhood right now. We live on-post, but not really. It's hard to explain, but basically we have our own gate, and to even go anywhere "on-post," we have to leave our neighborhood, drive 5 min, and go in another gate. It's rediculous. So, I guess it can't be worse than this, but I'd really like a fenced in yard so Bubs and the little Princess can get out their energy outside when it's nice out, and I don't have to chase them all over and exhaust (and hurt) myself. Plus the more stressed I get, the worse the pain gets. And chasing the kids is really stressful for me. I honestly just hate that people don't understand! They just act like I'm being rediculous or whatever. I've seriously had people lecture me over not wanting to go hang out with them at the park and *relax* and watch the kids. If it's not fenced, there is NO relaxing. My kids will run. Period. They LOVE to run! I've tried to take them outside just in the common areas of the yard and got exhausted after 10 min because the little Princess kept going straight for the road... then Bubs would follow. Caprice was the only one that stayed beside me even without her leash! At least I have one of them trained! LOL

But that is a typical day for me. Dealing with the ups and downs. Trying to get out of the house while staying sane. It's almost impossible because staying in the house drives us all a little crazy, too! Then working part-time around hubby's schedule. I feel like I never get a break! I need to go shopping tonight, though, because the Old Guard Ball is on Friday, and I still need shoes! Plus I still haven't been able to find the perfect gift for my Secret Sister on CMW! I have some of it, but I'm missing that perfect piece! So I'm hoping for a good shopping trip (without the kids) tonight, since it's my night off. I also still need to plan a time to go get my nails and hair done on Friday as well. I have 2 appts that day - one with the child counselor and one with a psychiatrist for me. Apparently the "blah" moods go along with the Fibro, but the psych can still help with any meds they may think I need as far as that goes. I'm still on Zoloft from when I had the little Princess, and that still seems to be ok.

So... another fun-filled, busy week! And the kids decided to tag-team me today and stagger their naps! I just heard the little Princess get up, so I'm going to put Bubs down for his nap! I'm hoping since at least it's only one at a time I can still get a decent amount of cleaning done. I'd be so embarrassed if the place still looks awful for the sitter on Friday night! I'm sure he won't care, but I do!! I'm silly like that I guess! This house just bums me out anyway. *Sigh* So we're praying, praying, praying that the ADA housing will work out for us and we'll get a decent one-story house on post! Off to clean!