Bad blogger

Man, I've been able to update my fitness blog a couple of times, but I've been SO bad about blogging here! I think part of it is because I don't WANT to. I mean really I DO, but I'm not sure people want to know what's been going on here! I started this blog with every intention to be totally and completely honest, but I also like to be positive. Perhaps it's because around this time last year I got chided by a "friend" for being negative when Joey was diagnosed with cancer initially. It was a rough time, and I thought if anything I could be open about my feelings on Facebook, which I have set up to be totally private! I even have a group of "friends" on Facebook in a category labeled "Other," and even they can't see my wall posts, pictures, updates, etc. Ok, I guess now the secret is out! haha But with everything going on in our lives right now I NEED that outlet, and there are things I'll talk about on Facebook that I won't even talk about in this blog simply because it is private. But yeah, even on Facebook I got "attacked" in a private message about things I was saying basically saying I'm discouraging and giving *unmentionable* a bad name, and I'm a disgrace to all wives associated with *unmentionable.* REALLY!? How can sharing our personal experiences be a disgrace? If the truth is that disgraceful certainly somebody needs to talk about it! But anyway... I won't. Not in detail on a public blog. But I felt I SHOULD be able to talk about it to my friends. That's why they're my friends. Needless to say it's made me hesitant in general to talk about my feelings... particularly negative ones.

BUT then I realize I'm not alone. Somebody else might be out there having a similar experience that would feel relieved to come across this blog and realize THEY are not alone. People say, in general, I'm pretty positive about everything. I'd say outwardly it's true, and emotionally I am at peace knowing God is seeing us through every step of the way. I do NOT know what I'd do without Him! I surely would have lost it a million times by now! My human emotions and spiritual emotions are in constant conflict right now! A classic example is I'm constantly stressed and disappointed we don't have more help, yet I'm extremely grateful and feel immensely blessed by those who help! There are friends that have helped us that are having their own hard times, and I even feel a little guilty accepting help! And many friends and family that don't live near us sent us money for gas for our multiple trips for the hospital! They went above and beyond and sent us enough for gas for the final 3 weeks!! What an amazing blessing!

But now I am very tired, and I have a baby who doesn't like to sleep, so I need to get sleep while I can. I just wanted to apologize for being a terrible blogger but let you know to be prepared for a flooding of honest emotions concerning being a caregiver to a spouse going through cancer treatment and having 3 kids under the age of 5! I'll break it up into multiple posts because there are lots of different things to discuss! As always, thank-you for the prayers! God bless!