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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Sooo tired

Wow, so I don't know if it's the combination of the pregnancy and Fibro or just the pregnancy itself, but I'm EXHAUSTED. Sleepiness is kicking my butt! I don't even know how I'm functioning right now! haha I'm going to try to get stuff clean while I still have some energy, though! So I must return to blog later!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Never a dull moment

Wow, so yesterday was just absolutely crazy! I was anticipating my appointment with the rheumatologist so I could get started on treatment for my fibromyalgia and update my EFMP paperwork and *finally* get my part of the letter to request the one-story housing on post. I was going to leave as soon as Bubs's teacher got here, though I was dreading the drive to the particular hospital for my appointment because I despise driving downtown. Plus I've been a little light-headed from not having been able to take my Zoloft. Hubby went to pick it up at the pharmacy, and they were out! I finally got some more today!

Well, luckily, I ended up not having to drive to the hospital because Bubs's teacher was sick, so she didn't come over yesterday, so we all went downtown. That means hubby drove. :) Getting out of the house tends to be a bit hectic as it is, but for whatever reason it seemed even more so yesterday morning. We stopped at Burger King to get a bite to eat, and they messed up our order so bad we just said forget it and left, so I didn't eat until after my appointment! I was starving!! I managed to only be like 5 min late, though, and that's like a record for me for any appt at that hospital. We already learned to just have hubs drop me off at the door instead of trying to find parking. That is a nightmare!!

So hubby decides to just drive around post with the kids while I have my appt. I wasn't in the waiting room very long, so overall things were going well. I honestly wasn't sure how they were going to approach things since I had just found out I was expecting because that would obviously limit any medications they may prescribe, but my PCM told me the rheumatologists at this hospital are better despite the drive downtown, so I trust him. But wow, was I ever disappointed!! Maybe some of them are good, but the particular gentleman I saw was basically insesitive to Fibromyalgia, fairly ignorant about the condition, clueless about EFMP or applying for one-story housing (all I needed was the paperwork filled out a letter saying it's hard for me to go up and down the stairs all the time!), and here's the kicker - not even a rheumatologist yet!! So he takes all his findings to his superviser and says yes, you have Fibro. I already know I have it because my PCM already diagnosed it! Well, he said his job was to confirm the diagnosis, and now I should do everything else with my PCM. How frustrating! I drove all that way for him to tell me what I already knew!? And he wouldn't even fill out the stinkin EFMP paperwork! When I asked him about the letter, he said he'd leave that up to my PCM as well because he doesn't think having Fibro should qualify anybody for one-level housing since it doesn't actually do damage to their joints. Ok... but there are still days I can barely walk, and that's ok!? I have done my research on Fibro, and from what I understand some people that are no longer able to work full-time are considered to have a disability! So how is that not important!? He basically feels it's just a "collection of symptoms" a handful of people have, but that it's not very "real." Then he proceeds to tell me I'm going to have pain for the rest of my life. Ok, so why am I going to have pain for the rest of my life if I have a condition that isn't "real?" I seriously just wanted to cry because of my frustration.

Obviously, I was prescribed no medication due to the pregnancy, which is another thing he knew nothing about. This was obviously a young, single guy with no kids. I should have guessed this would be interesting when I saw the bottle of liquor in his office! So his recommendation? Go back to my PCM and let him take care of everything. Exercise almost every day... even though I explained I can't afford childcare to go to the gym. He said I should just take a walk and put the kids in the stroller... which is fine when the kids WANT to be in the stroller, which is rare. Aurora particularly hates it. But there was no sense in explaining that anymore. I even tried to explain my situation of having one child that has special needs and constantly having to deal with his behavior (and the stairs for his time-outs), and that was pointless, too. So, I still don't have a letter for housing as to why we need one-level housing on my end. *Sigh*

That being said, I DID turn in paperwork from Bubs's counselor saying why she recommends one-level housing for our family due to his nature to not always comprehend "reality" and the dangers he poses to himself and the little Princess (and me, even) when he has one of his aggressive tantrums. So we decided to check on it to see where it is in the process. We called up to our neighborhood office because apparently they are the ones that deal w/it first. Well, the lady said the manager was out of the office and would be back later. We call again shortly before closing time because we want to get this done. We're then told she is out of town for a couple of weeks! (Yeah, well, we just saw her posting a sign in the neighborhood this morning, so whatever.) So, we go straight to the main housing office where it is discovered that our paperwork has been lost. No surprise. That's why I made a copy! So now we're handling it directly with them. They've processed it mostly at this point and are just waiting on updated DEERS info from us, so I'll make sure we have that by Tues! I'm even going to see if they're open tomorrow! The pregnancy poses an interesting situation because we *can* qualify for a 4 bedroom, but we could also accept a 3 bedroom if that comes available first. Since the kids will all be close in age, I don't see a big deal with room sharing anyway! So we'll just see how it all goes. I'm just putting it in God's hands! I don't even have medical proof of the pregnancy yet because my first appt isn't until June 4th, but hopefully if it's necessary, we can at least run in there to get the bloodwork and print-out done for that.

So yeah, exhausting, frustrating day yesterday. I do feel like I'm in a world that people don't understand. I'm sure you can guess we're getting raised eyebrows about having another child. Honestly, are people expected to just stop having children because one of their children has special needs or because they have a medical condition that *can* be managed with the right help? I'm already limited by my heart history! I'm not supposed to have children after I turn 30. That's only a couple more years, so more than likely this baby will be our last! So I'm already limited! Yeah, I know some people think 2 is enough, so surely 3 is enough, but admittedly, I'd like 4. Maybe we will adopt a 4th in the future. I don't know. I enjoy so much the blessing and miracle of conception through birth, and I admit I do somewhat feel robbed. I'm already robbed by the c-section thing! But it doesn't make it any less amazing! And having high-demand children may be trying but doesn't make you love them any less. I'm EXTREMELY happy that we'll be having another blessing, and I'm just praying for a healthy pregnancy!

And now, I must tend to the kiddos and get dinner ready! I'm pretty hungry, too! hehe Still not sure what we'll eat, though...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Now I remember...

I now remember why I don't blog much. I don't have much time! Taking care of 2 active kids during the day plus an 8 month old pup and a cat is just SO time-consuming! Add onto that a part-time job where they expect you to teach enough classes to be a full-time trainer, and it's just about enough to drive one insane! Especially one like me! LOL

On a fun note, my BFF (and the kids' Godmother) is coming to visit me this week!! I can't believe I just used the term "BFF." LOL I feel like I'm in high school again or something! Seriously, though, on Friday night I'm all glammed up for the Old Guard ball and somebody asked to verify that I was over 18!!! For one, I'm his WIFE, and most people get married after they turn 18. I know there are exceptions, but seriously! Yeah, add 10 years to that! LOL For two, I'm even older than hubby! I admit it sometimes is flattering when people say I look like I'm in my early 20's, but under 18!? That's just frustrating!

I plan on typing more about going to the ball whenever I have more free time, but for now, I would really like to play some WoW. I don't get to play enough, and I really want to get Xandrei to level 80!!! I'm at 78 1/2! haha So, I'm off to do that now!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I'm finally going to take the time to post a little something. Not much, though. I'm SOOOO busy! Basically, my house is crap in SO many ways. It's just a bad place in general, so I admit I actually lack motivation to keep it nice because no matter how hard I try it looks gross. I mean seriously, we have squirrels in the attic and a big hole in the wall because they had patched up a previous hole with CARDBOARD! What did they expect? All it took was our big pup and her lack of coordination to slide into the wall (because we have ALL linoleum floors - yes, the ENTIRE house), and boom, the hole instantly reopens. My biggest concern was that Caprice (the pup) would then chew and make the hole bigger, but actually the kids play in it!! It's awful! Last time maintenance was here they said they'd fix it, but that never happened. This is the worst place ever. But, it's what we have right now, so I better just suck it up and deal with it. We've looked at some rentals, but we can't afford a place in this area on a PFC's salary! I mean seriously, a 1 bedroom place can be almost $1800, and we need at least a 3 bedroom!

Everybody thinks we're absolutely nuts, but we do want to have another baby. I believe in God's timing, and we aren't actively tracking my ovulation or anything, but we're just believing it will happen when God plans for it to happen, and He will take care of us. He always has! We surely never expected to be able to "afford" Brayden, but we've survived... and so has he! haha :)

We're currently trying to get into ADA housing for my Fibromyalgia and because of Bubs's aggressive tendencies. It's hard enough for me to go up and down the stairs when I'm having a bad day, but it worries me even more what Bubs might do with the stairs when he is having a "bad" day. When he's in "the zone" as I call it because he seriously slips off into his own little world when he has one of his episodes, he will knock down anybody or anything near him with extreme force and not even notice it! I honestly don't even think he notices he did it! The little Princess will be by him crying, and I go to pick her up, and I try to address the situation with him and it's like it doesn't even register. Then I work on getting him to cool off until he's out of "the zone," putting my own physical well-being in harm. I'm extremely sensitive to pain. Something as simple as someone leaning their arm on me can hurt tremendously, so when you have a 3 year old in a pure rage hitting, kicking, biting, head butting, etc., it can be more than a little overwhelming. I've even tried counting, which only sent him further into his rage. So I'm going to try this "1-2-3 Magic" method the child counselor recommended and time him out to his room (after he fights me to get there I'm sure) and see how it goes.

Most people want to blame it (as well as his speech delay) on parenting. That used to bother me, but you know, they can believe what they want because I know the truth. I feel better knowing the little Princess is already putting together 2 word sentences. She does act out a bit, but I believe it's a learned behavior because she sees her big brother doing it all the time! I'm a little skeptical at trying another new parenting method, but I always am. I mean, I've tried EVERYTHING! It's becoming obvious there is something going on. I have also been advised to read "Is my Child Bipolar?" It honestly never crossed my mind. I mean seriously, who would even think of a 3 year old being bipolar!? Little did I know for one, it's extremely genetic, and for two, more than one male in hubby's immediate family has it. *Sigh* So I researched, and I was in tears! Some of it was relief that maybe this wasn't all in my head and that maybe his behavior really IS beyond my control. Some of it was sheer grief because well, it's not exactly a good thing to have! I know intervention can make a huge difference, so we're working with what we have. We have an appt to get an IEP going with the county, but they're basically only looking at his speech. They never saw a behavior issue, which if it really is COBPD (Childhood Onset Bipolar Disorder), that would make total sense! Now it is seriously all clicking! He doesn't ALWAYS have bad moments. He has perfectly good moments where he is the nicest, politest little boy! I LOVE the good moments! His good moments are REALLY good, and his bad moments are REALLY bad.

As of now, though, housing doesn't really care to work with us. They're more than willing to throw is in an ADA house (one-story living) in another older village. We're in the worst neighborhood right now. We live on-post, but not really. It's hard to explain, but basically we have our own gate, and to even go anywhere "on-post," we have to leave our neighborhood, drive 5 min, and go in another gate. It's rediculous. So, I guess it can't be worse than this, but I'd really like a fenced in yard so Bubs and the little Princess can get out their energy outside when it's nice out, and I don't have to chase them all over and exhaust (and hurt) myself. Plus the more stressed I get, the worse the pain gets. And chasing the kids is really stressful for me. I honestly just hate that people don't understand! They just act like I'm being rediculous or whatever. I've seriously had people lecture me over not wanting to go hang out with them at the park and *relax* and watch the kids. If it's not fenced, there is NO relaxing. My kids will run. Period. They LOVE to run! I've tried to take them outside just in the common areas of the yard and got exhausted after 10 min because the little Princess kept going straight for the road... then Bubs would follow. Caprice was the only one that stayed beside me even without her leash! At least I have one of them trained! LOL

But that is a typical day for me. Dealing with the ups and downs. Trying to get out of the house while staying sane. It's almost impossible because staying in the house drives us all a little crazy, too! Then working part-time around hubby's schedule. I feel like I never get a break! I need to go shopping tonight, though, because the Old Guard Ball is on Friday, and I still need shoes! Plus I still haven't been able to find the perfect gift for my Secret Sister on CMW! I have some of it, but I'm missing that perfect piece! So I'm hoping for a good shopping trip (without the kids) tonight, since it's my night off. I also still need to plan a time to go get my nails and hair done on Friday as well. I have 2 appts that day - one with the child counselor and one with a psychiatrist for me. Apparently the "blah" moods go along with the Fibro, but the psych can still help with any meds they may think I need as far as that goes. I'm still on Zoloft from when I had the little Princess, and that still seems to be ok.

So... another fun-filled, busy week! And the kids decided to tag-team me today and stagger their naps! I just heard the little Princess get up, so I'm going to put Bubs down for his nap! I'm hoping since at least it's only one at a time I can still get a decent amount of cleaning done. I'd be so embarrassed if the place still looks awful for the sitter on Friday night! I'm sure he won't care, but I do!! I'm silly like that I guess! This house just bums me out anyway. *Sigh* So we're praying, praying, praying that the ADA housing will work out for us and we'll get a decent one-story house on post! Off to clean!