So the whole reason I started blogging again was because of our crazy life. Of course, now I realize that crazy life is what keeps me from being able to blog. Funny how that works. As my husband always says "high speed, high stress. That's how we roll!" haha
But seriously as if things haven't been crazy enough, there is always something new. The whole "high stress" thing is more true than ever. Even hubby is stressed, and he rarely gets stressed! So I'll update in my easiest "to the point" version that I can because well, you know me, I tend to ramble!
This month in particular has been overwhelming! Hubs has been having cardiovascular issues. He was chosen to take part in a study on a new type of water therapy, but they promptly kicked him out of class when his pulse got above 200. So he was scheduled for thorough heart tests, which were initially cancelled due to being out of town (more on that later), but luckily they were able to schedule him in right away when we got back. His heart looks fine, but he does have some sort of small mass in the artery (or is it a vein?) to his right lung. I'm assuming that would explain why his pulse ox drops into the 70's when he exerts a lot of energy. But I'm not a Dr, so what do I know? Anyway, they're not sure what it is yet, but being that he had the kind of cancer that is likely to return, any type of mass is a concern in that department. But seriously, it's a concern in general because he has a hard time breathing! He goes for a follow up on all this on Tuesday with his oncologist. Today he has a couple of unrelated appointments more pertaining to the Medical Board process. The process got a bit stalled - again - so they're trying to get it all figured out as far as what his current condition is with his knee and post-op issues and determining the start of the process because it technically never got started. We're still a little uncertain where we'll go and what he'll do in the civilian world, but we know God will lead us in the right direction.
As for me, I'm clueless. I felt relief from the symptoms I was having during the pregnancy immediately after delivery. Yay for being able to lay on my back again! But now I'm having brand new symptoms. I admit I'm nervous the doctors will blow me off since I'm breastfeeding. That's actually what stalled my diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. They just assumed it was due to the demands on the body lactation causes, but when it lasted beyond the breastfeeding they finally acknowledged there must be something more going on. Perhaps my current symptoms are related to the FMS, but I'm not so sure. They seem to be neurological in nature (but again, what do I know? Seriously, probably more than I should. It kind of happens when you have a lot of medical issues) - shaky hands, muscles weakness, strong muscle spasms and cramping. And now I also have migraine strength headaches that last for days. It's horrible! It's kind of a vicious cycle, though, because I obviously need to see my Dr, but I cancelled two appointments because I wasn't feeling well enough to go, and then I had to cancel my last one due to our emergency out of town. So now I have an appointment next week, so hopefully that one will be a go.
Bubs is about the same. He's been acting up quite a bit since being out of school for the summer. And I'm sure going out of town so suddenly for a little over a week didn't help either considering we had no type of routine at all while we were gone. The last few days he was even asking to go home! He always wants to be places, so that's a big deal! He started private speech therapy last week, so he can keep up with some sense of learning routine outside of the home while he's out of school. Plus he really only gets 15min a week at school, and since he's having a lot of articulation issues, even his teacher suggested he get more. Our insurance approved it, so it's all good! :)
Ah, and the little princess - she is, well, grouchy almost all the time. We're beginning to become concerned since Bubs has his special needs, which involve a lot of social/emotional issues. We don't feel the princess has these same issues, but we've begun to question whether having an older brother with special needs is causing some emotional upsets - or that PLUS the addition of a new sibling. Or perhaps it's the fact that she doesn't seem to get deep sleep. She wakes often at night and will get up without seeming to be aware, and she yells in her sleep as well. I'm not sure which Dr to take her to - the child psychiatrist or her PCM - or neither. I suppose we should start with her PCM to even see if there IS a concern or if we're just being overly cautious because we have a child with special needs. It might just be the plain fact that she's a 2 year old that wants to be independent. We'll see. It's definitely not anything developmental! She's a bit shy, but she definitely doesn't lack vocabulary! She understands so much as well! She just absolutely amazes me every day with the things she says! And despite her new raging emotions she is fitting in to the role of the middle child very well. She always wants to know what her big brother is doing so she can do it, too, and she's always wanting to give her little brother hugs and kisses and help out with him any way she can! I try to tell her the best way to help is for her to use the potty so I don't have two kids in diapers! LOL Hopefully soon...
And as for our new little guy that I will dub the "moose-lion" for the sake of internet privacy and because that's my favorite nickname for him. It's a fictional animal from the cartoon Avatar: the last airbender. I call him "Bubby" a lot as well, but that's too similar to "Bubs," so I don't want to be confusing. Well, we found out the moose-lion has an Atrial Septal Defect, which is the same heart defect my sister and I were born with. The Pediatric Cardiologist said it is small and will probably close on its own or it will just cause a slight murmur and no further problems. Due to my heart history, though, it definitely needs to be followed. So for now, he needs to go back in 6 months. The Dr suggested my sister and I get genetic testing done to see if we have the familial form of ASD. Our dad has an Arterial septal defect so it's probably not a bad idea to do so! Plus it will help us look out for other things in the future should that be the issue or it could rule it out and we wouldn't have to worry about testing our other two kids or any kids my sister may have in the future. She is now married, and sadly I had to miss the wedding because I was only a little over a week post-partum. But I'm looking forward to the idea of having a little niece or nephew to spoil since the moose-lion is our last baby, and I LOVE baby stuff! :)
So that's what is going on with us. Needless to say, lots of Dr appointments and lots of chaos in the household. It really has been an emotional month. On July 9th I found out one of my favorite teachers from high school had passed away. He was only 50, so it was quite a shock. It's so different when you grow up in a town of less than 2000 people and go to the same school Kindergarten through 12th grade. You really know people. I will never forget on graduation day I seemed like the happiest person ever because I always felt like I was the "forgotten one." I was neither liked or disliked, I was just there. And I was SO happy to be able to leave there and start fresh! Another thing about a small school is once you develop your "status" you can't really get rid of it, and I knew there was plenty of reasons to like me! :) So I'm all smiles until this particular teacher gave me a hug and told me if there was anything I ever needed to let him know, and he said he really meant that. I instantly started crying. I know he meant a lot to a lot of people because he did genuinely care, and I'm continually praying for his family as he has two children that will both be in college this year - his youngest just graduated high school. It's so sad. As hubs and I were discussing whether or not I would be able to go over to Northwest Ohio for the funeral (with the moose-lion, of course, since he's nursing), we got a terrible phone call...
It was the following day that we were discussing the possibility of my going over to NW Ohio if our funds would allow and we would be able to find sitters for the older two kids back here when hubby had his Dr appointments. It was all so stressful to talk about and I wasn't feeling well (big surprise), so I laid down for a nap. My husband woke me to tell me he just received a call from his mom that his Granny had taken a bad fall and wasn't doing very well. Suddenly our priorities shifted to getting him over to Southeast Ohio/Northern KY to be with his family. So he did what needed to be done to go on emergency leave from the military and we discussed whether just he should go or the whole family. The biggest concern with the whole family leaving is boarding the dogs. One of my dear friends offered to keep them at her house! What a blessing! I obviously was hoping to go, too, because I honestly don't look at it like "oh, that's HIS family." When we married we became one, so his family is MY family. And Granny meant a lot to me as well. We didn't get to see her as often as I'd like, but when we did it was always so special. She definitely always made me feel like family. A few times I visited her without my husband because he wasn't able to go, and it never felt like I was out of place or anything. I got to visit her during almost every new stage in our life - when my husband and I got engaged, when I was pregnant with Bubs, when Bubs was a baby, when I was pregnant with the princess - a couple times - one being when we were living in Ohio, and they drove up to bring much needed stuff for us after we lost a lot of things (including almost all the baby stuff) in that nasty flood, when the princess was a baby. In fact, the kids and I visited her on our way home from hubby's family day at Ft Benning, and the princess took some of her first crawls at Granny's house! Such a precious moment! My biggest disappointment is, of course, that we didn't get to see her during the pregnancy with the moose-lion, and she didn't get to meet him before she passed. She had 3 great grand-children back to back, and I know that was so special for her because she loved her great grand-babies. I know she got to see him in pictures, and now she can look down on him from Heaven. She was such an amazing Christian woman, and I'm forever grateful for how she influenced my husband to be the spiritual leader that he is! I'm so glad we were able to be there to say goodbye before she passed. Granny was laid to rest on July 19th.
We started our drive back the next day. I'm going to post a blog on my business site about traveling with cloth diapers and traveling with kids in general. When I was by myself with the kids I HAD to travel overnight because the princess despised car rides, so I had to travel when she was sleeping. After traveling 12 hours by myself with two kids, and then again traveling 8 hours with the two kids by myself, I thought the 9 hour drive with two of us and three kids would be no big deal. Yeah, not so much! Wow! We were so glad to be able to spend time with family, but we were SO glad to be home again. We went up to NW OH to see my family as well because my husband's grandma that we were staying with does not have a very kid-friendly home, and it was a bit overwhelming. My mom had already taken that Friday off work because she and my grandma were planning a trip over here to the DC area to see us. So we went up there to see her and we stayed with my sister, and just let the kids run in her fenced backyard with her dog. They were so happy to be able to run without getting in trouble for anything!
We honestly still haven't settled at home yet, though. We're back to our routines, but the emotional stress plus the stress of the trip has taken a toll on me, and my symptoms are raging. It gets so bad I don't even have enough energy to get up! It's more stressful than anything. I still can't get over this feeling of going from being athletic, energetic, and able to handle any pain to being overly tired with no energy, burning out easily from a small cardio workout, and being so extremely sensitive to even the smallest pains. Just going to the dentist this week was pure torture! I mean I have A LOT of dental issues apparently, but oh my goodness, I couldn't handle the pain! And my body's lovely response was a horrible headache. Blech. So needless to say, the house is atrocious! I have all this stuff in my mind about what needs to be done, but I rarely have the energy to do it. :( It's so frustrating. So we're still working on that.
And to top off July, we got a call yesterday from my husband's step-sister saying his dad was being taken to the ER. Apparently he had a few small strokes over the past few weeks and has lost some of his vision. He was at the Dr to check up on all of this when he began to feel like he was going to have another one, so they rushed him to the ER. The good news is, he has no type of paralysis. They're running tests today to see what is causing them. My husband is, once again, ready to contact the Red Cross for emergency leave if need be. Unfortunately, if things do get bad (though we're praying they don't), only he would be able to go. We exhausted our options when we got a loan from AER to go to Ohio, and we can't afford for all of us to go anywhere else for a while. He got to talk to him last night, though, and he said he's feeling ok, so we're praying for the best!
And that's our crazy July in a nutshell! I do have to say, though, we had an awesome 4th of July with some great friends! I think I drank like 2 Pepsi's too many, but oh well! haha Perhaps that's why I can't drop this baby weight! Yeah, I definitely blame Pepsi... well, and my lack of energy. I did take a short walk with the moose-lion in a front pack carrier. I was tired and in a lot of pain afterwards, though. A little at a time, right? Here's to hoping that works with MORE than just dropping the baby weight!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
New Giveaway
Check out The Cloth Diaper Whisperer give-aways. If you really need more fluff like I do, you need to follow their blog! http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/
Thursday, June 24, 2010
More chances to win!
Yay! Another giveaway! I LOVE the Cloth Diaper Whisperer! And one is for my favorite diaper even!! So excited! Check them out at www.facebook.com/theclothdiaperwhisperer If you're hesitant at all about trying cloth diapers, check them out! Lots of helpful info on getting started, care of cloth diapers, etc.
Right now I have both our 2 1/2 y/o and our new little man in cloth! The little man is wearing one of the diapers featured in this giveaway! I really hope to win because we could definitely use some more!! We have a VERY small stash right now... especially considering having 2 in diapers. Hopefully the princess will start using the potty soon and get over the regression caused by the little guy's arrival!
Right now I have both our 2 1/2 y/o and our new little man in cloth! The little man is wearing one of the diapers featured in this giveaway! I really hope to win because we could definitely use some more!! We have a VERY small stash right now... especially considering having 2 in diapers. Hopefully the princess will start using the potty soon and get over the regression caused by the little guy's arrival!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Cloth Diapers
With the new addition to our family, I've fallen in love with cloth diapering all over again! Perhaps I should fall in love with blogging again, too, and actually keep everyone updated! :)I will post an update soon!
If you are interested in using cloth diapers, you should check out The Cloth Diaper Whisperer on Facebook www.facebook.com/theclothdiaperwhisperer Great info, advice, and giveaways! I'm in love with the BumGenius AIO's! Our little man looks so cute in cloth!
If you are interested in using cloth diapers, you should check out The Cloth Diaper Whisperer on Facebook www.facebook.com/theclothdiaperwhisperer Great info, advice, and giveaways! I'm in love with the BumGenius AIO's! Our little man looks so cute in cloth!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Hmmmm
I don't know how people have time to blog. Or maybe I just do too many nonsense things online. I don't know. Either way, now is not the time either. haha I feel like crap. Everything is all a bit overwhelming right now, but I will blog about it later.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Oops
So, I keep getting my log-in information messed up. I've been getting these horrendous headaches, so I give it a couple of tries and then I barely get on the comp at all. Benadryl has become my best friend at night because it helps the headaches AND helps me sleep. And, of course, safe to take while pregnant, so that's definitely the most important aspect!
I went days without playing WoW, which is, of course, a big deal. haha I logged back on a few nights ago and got a new achievement. Ambassador of Alliance! So happy! Oddly enough, the next day we met up with a couple of our guildies for lunch. They are SO awesome. They always pay for our lunch! They even had Christmas gifts for the kids and a birthday gift for the little Princess since her b-day is right before Christmas. I feel so blessed to be part of an awesome Christian guild. They're seriously like our family! And honestly, the friends we have in this area from the guild are some of THE closest friends we have in the area. And you have to appreciate ANY friends that will lay their hands on you and pray with you. There's not much will miss about this area, but good friends will definitely be missed!
At this point we're *fairly* sure we'll be heading back to Houston, TX when it's all said and done. Hubby has talked with his Commander, and being a family man himself he said he would never want to move if his wife was at the end of the pregnancy, so he has decided to try to at least keep us here until the baby is born, so that is one less worry! He also let hubs come home yesterday just to go on leave until after his convalescent leave is up after the next surgery. He saw it as any good servant leader would - this soldier is in the middle of cancer treatment and needs to be taking care of stuff at home, not sitting at a desk for a week and a half. He also sent him home with his prayers. Praise the Lord for putting such a man in such a position! We will be finishing up the Will, his living will, and the POA over his medical care this week. It's the stuff you don't WANT to think about, but you know it's important. I have faith that there won't be a "just in case," but it needs to be done anyway! Especially when kids are involved!
Hubs is currently jamming to Guitar Praise. I got it as one of his Christmas gifts so he had something to do in the hospital (we'll hook it up to the laptop). How cool to be jamming to Inspirational music at the hospital, right? When we came up with a gift budget, I totally didn't even think of myself and spent it all on the kids and him. I can genuinely say I don't care. I'm totally happy seeing how much they will enjoy their gifts! That's the best part anyway! I think at this point the kids have either peeked at their gifts before they were wrapped, or they've teared a sliver of paper off of each gift! haha They're still young toddlers and they're doing this already! Bubs actually came up to me at CiCi's Pizza when we were there with our friends and asked for money for the video games! He's 3 1/2!! Next it will be the car keys! LOL
Well, headache is setting in again. Yippee! I guess that means it's a good time to go to bed!
I went days without playing WoW, which is, of course, a big deal. haha I logged back on a few nights ago and got a new achievement. Ambassador of Alliance! So happy! Oddly enough, the next day we met up with a couple of our guildies for lunch. They are SO awesome. They always pay for our lunch! They even had Christmas gifts for the kids and a birthday gift for the little Princess since her b-day is right before Christmas. I feel so blessed to be part of an awesome Christian guild. They're seriously like our family! And honestly, the friends we have in this area from the guild are some of THE closest friends we have in the area. And you have to appreciate ANY friends that will lay their hands on you and pray with you. There's not much will miss about this area, but good friends will definitely be missed!
At this point we're *fairly* sure we'll be heading back to Houston, TX when it's all said and done. Hubby has talked with his Commander, and being a family man himself he said he would never want to move if his wife was at the end of the pregnancy, so he has decided to try to at least keep us here until the baby is born, so that is one less worry! He also let hubs come home yesterday just to go on leave until after his convalescent leave is up after the next surgery. He saw it as any good servant leader would - this soldier is in the middle of cancer treatment and needs to be taking care of stuff at home, not sitting at a desk for a week and a half. He also sent him home with his prayers. Praise the Lord for putting such a man in such a position! We will be finishing up the Will, his living will, and the POA over his medical care this week. It's the stuff you don't WANT to think about, but you know it's important. I have faith that there won't be a "just in case," but it needs to be done anyway! Especially when kids are involved!
Hubs is currently jamming to Guitar Praise. I got it as one of his Christmas gifts so he had something to do in the hospital (we'll hook it up to the laptop). How cool to be jamming to Inspirational music at the hospital, right? When we came up with a gift budget, I totally didn't even think of myself and spent it all on the kids and him. I can genuinely say I don't care. I'm totally happy seeing how much they will enjoy their gifts! That's the best part anyway! I think at this point the kids have either peeked at their gifts before they were wrapped, or they've teared a sliver of paper off of each gift! haha They're still young toddlers and they're doing this already! Bubs actually came up to me at CiCi's Pizza when we were there with our friends and asked for money for the video games! He's 3 1/2!! Next it will be the car keys! LOL
Well, headache is setting in again. Yippee! I guess that means it's a good time to go to bed!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Really?
Ah, I said over 2 months ago I would start posting more... yet I have failed to do so. And what a whirlwind our "abnormal" family has been through! And so I shall sum it up in this blog and *hopefully* keep writing blogs from here. This way they will hopefully make sense. I've decided to no longer use my children's real names since it is a public blog. I realize how many people could actually read it! So if you know them, you'll know, otherwise, enjoy the read with the aliases of my children! :)
Let's start with the head of the family and work down. My awesome, wonderful husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer a couple of weeks ago. I admit we were in absolute shock. I really had no idea he was the "prime" age for testicular cancer. It just shows how much even a nerd like myself DOESN'T know. I admit, my initial reaction was that there is no way our family can keep it together. I mean, if you know how much he does for us, I feel overwhelmed at the idea of picking up the slack. But we have managed thus far. He had surgery immediately to remove the cancerous testicle. It was one of the hardest days of my life as I sat at home without a sitter and just waited for a phone call. I got a little snippy with his 1st Sgt when he had our friend tell me to call him so I could update him. My response was "you know just as much as I do because I'm stuck at home without a sitter because people have failed to help like they said they would AGAIN." (I said this in reference to them saying THEY would provide a way to get someone over here to watch the kids so I could go be with my husband). He said he thought it was taken care of, yet he heard my screaming children in the background at which point he knew somebody messed up. But regardless, I did have a nice friend come over here after she got off work to run the kids through their night time routine so I could go be with him. His surgery was on Veteran's Day of all days, and he seems to be recovering nicely. It's not over yet, though, as the biopsy revealed the severity of the cancerous tumors (there were 3) were pretty intense. The CT scan came back clear for it being in his lymph nodes, but the doctors find it imperative to proceed with the surgery to remove the lymph nodes in his lower abdomen. He has multiple types of cancer, and the severe one doesn't always show up in the CT scans, but we are hopeful it hasn't spread because the tumor markers in his bloodwork have declined. He will be in the hospital for at least a week as it is a pretty intense surgery. http://tcrc.acor.org/rplnd.html I have had open heart surgery, and I admit, the thought of the incision he will be getting makes me cringe! He will be having surgery shortly after Christmas - on Dec 29th. I am praying everyone comes through as promised this time because I cannot fathom him going through this without me by his side! *I* can't imagine not being there! As of now, he is on convalescent leave until Dec 11th, at which time he may use some leave so he can remain home until the next surgery. Or he may go in and sit at the desk for those couple of weeks. Whatever works out I guess. If they don't find anymore cancer during the surgery, his treatment is considered successful - at which point his Med Board will begin. It is initially for his knee injury, of course, but they wanted to wait until the cancer treatment is at a stopping point (besides follow-ups), so it will be on his medical record. At that time, they want to have it all said and done within 75 days. We could be out of here as soon as March! Makes me a little nervous switching OB's that late in the pregnancy, but I guess we just have to go with the flow and trust God. And no, we have NO idea where we'll go yet! Woo hoo! Yay for adventure!
So onto the question people seem to be afraid to ask: How am I? If I had to sum it up, I'd say I'm hormonal, emotional, overwhelmed, burnt out, and slightly bitter. It's a really long story, but the raw truth of it is I feel somewhat forgotten and abandoned. It's like if nobody knows what to say, they say nothing. Or they just ignore everything altogether simply because yes, I DO have an "attitude," if you will, about things. Sure! Stuff is getting to me! Can you fathom what it is like when the person you love and rely on to help you with every day tasks gets diagnosed with cancer and has to have surgery... and an upcoming MAJOR surgery? It's OVERWHELMING! I have physical problems. That is the TRUTH of it. My heart is acting up, and for about 2 weeks now I've been fighting intense heart palpitations, extreme dizziness and vertigo, intense headaches, and seeing spots and flashes of light randomly. I'm somewhat disoriented due to this and feel totally out of control. I finally had a moment to call my Dr at which point they asked me to go to the ER. So I did, and everything was normal. Aside from my heart, but it's never normal due to the defect I had to have fixed. They said they think this is just how it's going to be right now. They advised me not to drive and to get help and support from family and friends. But what if you don't have that? I mean, people have their own lives to tend to, and some people have situations just as intense, you know? Or then you have people that do help that make you feel worse about yourself for having the medical issues that you have. I know there are a lot of people that have Fibromyalgia. It seems to be so common that at least everybody knows SOMEBODY that has it. But people need to educate themselves! Fibromyalgia is different for everyone! And just because other people live basically normal lives doesn't mean *I* do. Not to mention I cannot take the major medication for the pain right now - and add the pregnancy and my heart condition on top of it, and you'll realize, I'm absolutely different. I do my absolute best. I REALLY do. But I have to accept my limitations or our entire family will suffer. What good will it be if I push myself to the point of absolute, physical burnout? We'll have a man recovering from surgery, a woman who can do no more, and two toddlers trying to cope! I just want people to stop telling me what's best for OUR family. We're all different, and I have no doubt that despite our craziness, our family is just as God intended it to be. I have no doubt He WILL give me the strength to perservere through this. I can honestly say there are very few things I want as far as help goes: someone to stay with the kids so I can be there for the surgery (which as of now it seems we will have), someone to perhaps think of our family if they cooked a big meal and have extras, someone to maybe play with or take the kids for a couple hours so I can catch a nap here and there, maybe someone to walk the dog, and if people feel God calling them to provide any type of financial help due to our poor vehicle situation, I wouldn't ask for it, but I would accept it. It is quite a bit of gas to drive to and from the hospital where the surgery will take place, plus the car is still broken down, and now the van is acting up again. Talk about putting some stress on the finances during an already stressful time. The little princess's birthday on Dec 21st, then Christmas of course, and then the surgery on the 29th (with multiple trips back and forth possible), plus my big ultrasound somewhere in there, which is a little over an hour drive away as well. Overall, I'm trying to stay positive, but I admit, I've been letting my emotions get the best of me.
As for Bubs. Well, I'm not sure that I updated that he did get a diagnosis of PDD-NOS on top of the ADHD. He's been attenting a special preschool and seems to be doing well. We did just meet to rewrite his IEP because it was so amazingly vague, which was my frustration from the start. Now since his teacher has been observing him in the classroom, she had a better idea of what we should include. He will be getting additional speech therapy in the classroom. He has a lot of words, which is great, but it's still REALLY hard to understand most of them. They did also make special notes on his behavior and things we need to work on in that area - especially the unexpected transitions. If he expects something to be a certain way, and it's not - it's ALL OVER. And when he goes into one of his tantrums it's like you just cannot bring him out of it. No threatening time-outs, no offering a positive reward for calming down, NOTHING. I had mentioned this a long time ago, of course, and now that they've seen it, it was like it totally clicked. I guess they had an incidence at the Library because they generally use a specific lane to check out, and since the line was longer in that lane, they used the other one. Because this wasn't his definition of "normal," he had a HUGE meltdown. They said he screamed and cried all the way back to the classroom at which point he still didn't calm down. It's just little things we don't even think of that trigger his breakdowns. It's trying to figure out what he sees in his head as being the "right" thing. Sometimes we know, sometimes we don't. Sometimes it's absolutely impossible to conform to his standards of "right." For example, it was also mentioned that he doesn't play with the other kids. It's not that he doesn't LIKE other kids, and he'll interact with them most of the time - until play time. Because at play time, he already knows what he wants to play with and HOW he wants to play with those toys. Because other children have their own free will, we can't expect them to conform to his ways. And since most don't, he doesn't want to play with them. I obviously deal with this all the time at home. He tends to get bossy with his sister, though, and she generally listens because she loves her big brother and wants to make him happy. I can see, though, how other boys his age wouldn't oblige so easily and how it could turn into a game of "he can't play with this because he doesn't do it my way." So that is now a goal they are working on. Shoot, they'd be happy to even see him do parallel play with him playing on the same toy as another kid because he won't even do that. He doesn't even like to see someone else play with a toy he stopped playing with 10 minutes ago, so basically anything he touches is off limits to everybody else until the next day. So we definitely have some things to work through! And potty training is just plain frustrating. I can tell he just plain doesn't get it. He has NO idea when he's even gone (and yes, I've tried "big boy" underwear to help him catch on, and it ended in a big mess because he didn't know he pooped and ended up getting it EVERYWHERE. UGH.). And he absolutely has no idea WHEN he has to go. I basically ask him every 2-3 hours if he needs to use the potty, and he WILL pee on the potty, but he still wets his diaper as well in between those times, and pooping is just totally unsuccessful at this point. And so, we just keep trying.
And yes, the little princess is about to turn 2! Where has the time gone!? She has graduated to the toddler bed with a rather smooth transition. She speaks in 3-4 word sentences and her articulation is even a little better than her big brother. She is so amazing smart and never ceases to do something that amazes me! It's somewhat bittersweet with certain things like the talking because I'm SO happy that she speaks so much and so well and genuinely comprehends SO much not even being 2 yet, and yet I feel somewhat discouraged that Bubs isn't any further ahead. They really seem to be at the exact same learning level right now. It's actually been wonderful for them because they talk back and forth, tell each other jokes, and play games with each other rather well because they totally "get" each other. And I honestly don't think Bubs would even talk as much as he does if the little princess didn't start talking back! She really does amaze me. We're working on potty training as well. She actually DOES know when she has to go, and she definitely knows when she's gone and asks immediately for a new diaper. But as far as actually using the potty, it seems she does best at night. She'll get out of the bath and go right to the potty and go as if she's always done it! And she is the opposite of her brother in that she generally poops in the potty and seems to be more aware of that and is just starting to become aware of peeing. It's just awesome that she's getting it, though. I do believe she'll be fully potty trained first. Overall, she's just a bundle of love. When my husband is feeling well enough to let me sleep in, she spends most of that time hanging out near my bedroom door waiting for me. She's definitely a mommy's girl. And she will randomly just come up and give me a big hug and say "love you, Mommy." It's so awesome. We definitely have that mother/daughter bond. I laugh now thinking I wasn't sure I'd ever want a girl because I wasn't sure I'd know how to bond with her since I was such a tomboy. And here she is - quite the girly girl, and we're a virtually inseperable pair! It's awesome!
And as for our little one on the way, things seem to be progressing just fine. I got a doppler online because 6 weeks in between OB visits is just too long for me especially since I have had 2 losses. I just need some reassurance! It's a great doppler, too. I started using it when I was exactly 12 weeks. Baby's heartrate is usually in the high 150's to low 170's. I'm now 15 weeks, but I look like I should be at least 20 weeks! haha I'm showing SO quickly this time! The funniest thing of all is my belly is so much bigger at this point than it was with the other 2, but I've gained the least amount of weight so far with this one. In fact, last I checked, I've only gained a pound. That's just crazy to me! I'm definitely already able to wear maternity clothes! I found a GREAT pair of jeans at Target, and I LOVE them! They have an adjustable waste like you would find on toddler pants. haha It's great, though, because I can pull them tighter now, and then loosen them up as I get bigger. I think it's great! I have my next OB visit on Monday at which point I will BEG them to schedule the u/s right before hubs has to go into surgery so he can be there for it. Especially since we have decided this will be our last child. His surgery has a chance of causing him to become infertile, and my health doesn't seem to be handling the pregnancy well, so we're just feeling like this is it. Because there won't be enough time to determine whether or not the surgery has rendered him infertile, I will probably just have them perform the tubal at the time of my c-section. I'm definitely going to tell the OB about my ER visit and see if there is anything more we can do at this time to get me back to feeling at least ok. The dizziness I had today lasted ALL day. It's partially why I can't sleep. It actually becomes more intense when I'm laying down. Not fun.
Oh, and the pup... she's been super anxious, but fine I suppose. I really hope she starts to mellow out. Even I can't put her leash on her anymore without the submissive urination. I know all the stress of the household and having 2 different guests within a week has really thrown her off, but I'm ready for her to snap out of it! I don't need a 110lb baby! haha
And though it wasn't exactly a quick update, I think I updated all pertinent information to keep the blogs going smoothly from here on out so I don't feel like there will be important details left out! Now I need to get *some* sleep so I can cook up a yummy Thanksgiving feast tomorrow! Happy Thanksgiving!
Let's start with the head of the family and work down. My awesome, wonderful husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer a couple of weeks ago. I admit we were in absolute shock. I really had no idea he was the "prime" age for testicular cancer. It just shows how much even a nerd like myself DOESN'T know. I admit, my initial reaction was that there is no way our family can keep it together. I mean, if you know how much he does for us, I feel overwhelmed at the idea of picking up the slack. But we have managed thus far. He had surgery immediately to remove the cancerous testicle. It was one of the hardest days of my life as I sat at home without a sitter and just waited for a phone call. I got a little snippy with his 1st Sgt when he had our friend tell me to call him so I could update him. My response was "you know just as much as I do because I'm stuck at home without a sitter because people have failed to help like they said they would AGAIN." (I said this in reference to them saying THEY would provide a way to get someone over here to watch the kids so I could go be with my husband). He said he thought it was taken care of, yet he heard my screaming children in the background at which point he knew somebody messed up. But regardless, I did have a nice friend come over here after she got off work to run the kids through their night time routine so I could go be with him. His surgery was on Veteran's Day of all days, and he seems to be recovering nicely. It's not over yet, though, as the biopsy revealed the severity of the cancerous tumors (there were 3) were pretty intense. The CT scan came back clear for it being in his lymph nodes, but the doctors find it imperative to proceed with the surgery to remove the lymph nodes in his lower abdomen. He has multiple types of cancer, and the severe one doesn't always show up in the CT scans, but we are hopeful it hasn't spread because the tumor markers in his bloodwork have declined. He will be in the hospital for at least a week as it is a pretty intense surgery. http://tcrc.acor.org/rplnd.html I have had open heart surgery, and I admit, the thought of the incision he will be getting makes me cringe! He will be having surgery shortly after Christmas - on Dec 29th. I am praying everyone comes through as promised this time because I cannot fathom him going through this without me by his side! *I* can't imagine not being there! As of now, he is on convalescent leave until Dec 11th, at which time he may use some leave so he can remain home until the next surgery. Or he may go in and sit at the desk for those couple of weeks. Whatever works out I guess. If they don't find anymore cancer during the surgery, his treatment is considered successful - at which point his Med Board will begin. It is initially for his knee injury, of course, but they wanted to wait until the cancer treatment is at a stopping point (besides follow-ups), so it will be on his medical record. At that time, they want to have it all said and done within 75 days. We could be out of here as soon as March! Makes me a little nervous switching OB's that late in the pregnancy, but I guess we just have to go with the flow and trust God. And no, we have NO idea where we'll go yet! Woo hoo! Yay for adventure!
So onto the question people seem to be afraid to ask: How am I? If I had to sum it up, I'd say I'm hormonal, emotional, overwhelmed, burnt out, and slightly bitter. It's a really long story, but the raw truth of it is I feel somewhat forgotten and abandoned. It's like if nobody knows what to say, they say nothing. Or they just ignore everything altogether simply because yes, I DO have an "attitude," if you will, about things. Sure! Stuff is getting to me! Can you fathom what it is like when the person you love and rely on to help you with every day tasks gets diagnosed with cancer and has to have surgery... and an upcoming MAJOR surgery? It's OVERWHELMING! I have physical problems. That is the TRUTH of it. My heart is acting up, and for about 2 weeks now I've been fighting intense heart palpitations, extreme dizziness and vertigo, intense headaches, and seeing spots and flashes of light randomly. I'm somewhat disoriented due to this and feel totally out of control. I finally had a moment to call my Dr at which point they asked me to go to the ER. So I did, and everything was normal. Aside from my heart, but it's never normal due to the defect I had to have fixed. They said they think this is just how it's going to be right now. They advised me not to drive and to get help and support from family and friends. But what if you don't have that? I mean, people have their own lives to tend to, and some people have situations just as intense, you know? Or then you have people that do help that make you feel worse about yourself for having the medical issues that you have. I know there are a lot of people that have Fibromyalgia. It seems to be so common that at least everybody knows SOMEBODY that has it. But people need to educate themselves! Fibromyalgia is different for everyone! And just because other people live basically normal lives doesn't mean *I* do. Not to mention I cannot take the major medication for the pain right now - and add the pregnancy and my heart condition on top of it, and you'll realize, I'm absolutely different. I do my absolute best. I REALLY do. But I have to accept my limitations or our entire family will suffer. What good will it be if I push myself to the point of absolute, physical burnout? We'll have a man recovering from surgery, a woman who can do no more, and two toddlers trying to cope! I just want people to stop telling me what's best for OUR family. We're all different, and I have no doubt that despite our craziness, our family is just as God intended it to be. I have no doubt He WILL give me the strength to perservere through this. I can honestly say there are very few things I want as far as help goes: someone to stay with the kids so I can be there for the surgery (which as of now it seems we will have), someone to perhaps think of our family if they cooked a big meal and have extras, someone to maybe play with or take the kids for a couple hours so I can catch a nap here and there, maybe someone to walk the dog, and if people feel God calling them to provide any type of financial help due to our poor vehicle situation, I wouldn't ask for it, but I would accept it. It is quite a bit of gas to drive to and from the hospital where the surgery will take place, plus the car is still broken down, and now the van is acting up again. Talk about putting some stress on the finances during an already stressful time. The little princess's birthday on Dec 21st, then Christmas of course, and then the surgery on the 29th (with multiple trips back and forth possible), plus my big ultrasound somewhere in there, which is a little over an hour drive away as well. Overall, I'm trying to stay positive, but I admit, I've been letting my emotions get the best of me.
As for Bubs. Well, I'm not sure that I updated that he did get a diagnosis of PDD-NOS on top of the ADHD. He's been attenting a special preschool and seems to be doing well. We did just meet to rewrite his IEP because it was so amazingly vague, which was my frustration from the start. Now since his teacher has been observing him in the classroom, she had a better idea of what we should include. He will be getting additional speech therapy in the classroom. He has a lot of words, which is great, but it's still REALLY hard to understand most of them. They did also make special notes on his behavior and things we need to work on in that area - especially the unexpected transitions. If he expects something to be a certain way, and it's not - it's ALL OVER. And when he goes into one of his tantrums it's like you just cannot bring him out of it. No threatening time-outs, no offering a positive reward for calming down, NOTHING. I had mentioned this a long time ago, of course, and now that they've seen it, it was like it totally clicked. I guess they had an incidence at the Library because they generally use a specific lane to check out, and since the line was longer in that lane, they used the other one. Because this wasn't his definition of "normal," he had a HUGE meltdown. They said he screamed and cried all the way back to the classroom at which point he still didn't calm down. It's just little things we don't even think of that trigger his breakdowns. It's trying to figure out what he sees in his head as being the "right" thing. Sometimes we know, sometimes we don't. Sometimes it's absolutely impossible to conform to his standards of "right." For example, it was also mentioned that he doesn't play with the other kids. It's not that he doesn't LIKE other kids, and he'll interact with them most of the time - until play time. Because at play time, he already knows what he wants to play with and HOW he wants to play with those toys. Because other children have their own free will, we can't expect them to conform to his ways. And since most don't, he doesn't want to play with them. I obviously deal with this all the time at home. He tends to get bossy with his sister, though, and she generally listens because she loves her big brother and wants to make him happy. I can see, though, how other boys his age wouldn't oblige so easily and how it could turn into a game of "he can't play with this because he doesn't do it my way." So that is now a goal they are working on. Shoot, they'd be happy to even see him do parallel play with him playing on the same toy as another kid because he won't even do that. He doesn't even like to see someone else play with a toy he stopped playing with 10 minutes ago, so basically anything he touches is off limits to everybody else until the next day. So we definitely have some things to work through! And potty training is just plain frustrating. I can tell he just plain doesn't get it. He has NO idea when he's even gone (and yes, I've tried "big boy" underwear to help him catch on, and it ended in a big mess because he didn't know he pooped and ended up getting it EVERYWHERE. UGH.). And he absolutely has no idea WHEN he has to go. I basically ask him every 2-3 hours if he needs to use the potty, and he WILL pee on the potty, but he still wets his diaper as well in between those times, and pooping is just totally unsuccessful at this point. And so, we just keep trying.
And yes, the little princess is about to turn 2! Where has the time gone!? She has graduated to the toddler bed with a rather smooth transition. She speaks in 3-4 word sentences and her articulation is even a little better than her big brother. She is so amazing smart and never ceases to do something that amazes me! It's somewhat bittersweet with certain things like the talking because I'm SO happy that she speaks so much and so well and genuinely comprehends SO much not even being 2 yet, and yet I feel somewhat discouraged that Bubs isn't any further ahead. They really seem to be at the exact same learning level right now. It's actually been wonderful for them because they talk back and forth, tell each other jokes, and play games with each other rather well because they totally "get" each other. And I honestly don't think Bubs would even talk as much as he does if the little princess didn't start talking back! She really does amaze me. We're working on potty training as well. She actually DOES know when she has to go, and she definitely knows when she's gone and asks immediately for a new diaper. But as far as actually using the potty, it seems she does best at night. She'll get out of the bath and go right to the potty and go as if she's always done it! And she is the opposite of her brother in that she generally poops in the potty and seems to be more aware of that and is just starting to become aware of peeing. It's just awesome that she's getting it, though. I do believe she'll be fully potty trained first. Overall, she's just a bundle of love. When my husband is feeling well enough to let me sleep in, she spends most of that time hanging out near my bedroom door waiting for me. She's definitely a mommy's girl. And she will randomly just come up and give me a big hug and say "love you, Mommy." It's so awesome. We definitely have that mother/daughter bond. I laugh now thinking I wasn't sure I'd ever want a girl because I wasn't sure I'd know how to bond with her since I was such a tomboy. And here she is - quite the girly girl, and we're a virtually inseperable pair! It's awesome!
And as for our little one on the way, things seem to be progressing just fine. I got a doppler online because 6 weeks in between OB visits is just too long for me especially since I have had 2 losses. I just need some reassurance! It's a great doppler, too. I started using it when I was exactly 12 weeks. Baby's heartrate is usually in the high 150's to low 170's. I'm now 15 weeks, but I look like I should be at least 20 weeks! haha I'm showing SO quickly this time! The funniest thing of all is my belly is so much bigger at this point than it was with the other 2, but I've gained the least amount of weight so far with this one. In fact, last I checked, I've only gained a pound. That's just crazy to me! I'm definitely already able to wear maternity clothes! I found a GREAT pair of jeans at Target, and I LOVE them! They have an adjustable waste like you would find on toddler pants. haha It's great, though, because I can pull them tighter now, and then loosen them up as I get bigger. I think it's great! I have my next OB visit on Monday at which point I will BEG them to schedule the u/s right before hubs has to go into surgery so he can be there for it. Especially since we have decided this will be our last child. His surgery has a chance of causing him to become infertile, and my health doesn't seem to be handling the pregnancy well, so we're just feeling like this is it. Because there won't be enough time to determine whether or not the surgery has rendered him infertile, I will probably just have them perform the tubal at the time of my c-section. I'm definitely going to tell the OB about my ER visit and see if there is anything more we can do at this time to get me back to feeling at least ok. The dizziness I had today lasted ALL day. It's partially why I can't sleep. It actually becomes more intense when I'm laying down. Not fun.
Oh, and the pup... she's been super anxious, but fine I suppose. I really hope she starts to mellow out. Even I can't put her leash on her anymore without the submissive urination. I know all the stress of the household and having 2 different guests within a week has really thrown her off, but I'm ready for her to snap out of it! I don't need a 110lb baby! haha
And though it wasn't exactly a quick update, I think I updated all pertinent information to keep the blogs going smoothly from here on out so I don't feel like there will be important details left out! Now I need to get *some* sleep so I can cook up a yummy Thanksgiving feast tomorrow! Happy Thanksgiving!
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