What a night!

I shared this with my friend, so I thought I'd copy and paste it to my blog as well since I haven't shared a blog in a while! This was my night:

My husband found out around dinner time that he'd have to start a CQ shift at 7am. I already have two different things on my calendar for tomorrow including one volunteer shift at a local church's consignment sale. So, I had to take him up to work after just getting home right before the kids' bed time, so that way I didn't have to wake everyone up before 6am to get there. I'm sick and now having dizzy spells on top of my cold, so we stop to get me something to drink on the way up there. As we're driving up there he's telling me what he was reading about chemotherapy treatment, and it made me so nervous I felt nauseous so couldn't drink it anyway. Plus just the stress of driving in this area is ridiculous! We seriously had two "close calls" just driving up there! So yeah, I was totally freaking out.

Then I just started thinking about everything and how I need extra rest since I'm sick but won't have any overnight help with the moose-lion and then started thinking about the chemo thing again, and I just lost it. I mean it was a long time coming, but tonight was the last straw. This whole thing with his work is all because of one new guy that is apparently on some kind of power trip. Luckily the older two fell asleep, but the moose-lion cried the ENTIRE way home - as did I. Then when we get home I have to get everybody out of the car, so the older two kids start crying since they were asleep. And since they had fallen asleep before my husband got out of the car they were confused where he was which got them even more upset. So as I'm unbuckling them and getting screaming moose-lion (and the dogs) out of the van, I spill my still almost full drink right into my purse RIGHT ON MY PHONE. Of course it was RIGHT on the battery connector, so it died immediately. I tried to clean it all up and air it out, but yeah, I can't do anything with it. The touch screen is shot! And so now kids are all asleep, and I'm just going to rest. *Sigh*

On a silly note, I had my appointment with the psychiatrist last week, and she said I'm not crazy and these neurological symptoms seem to have nothing to do with my stress. I mean I surely feel slightly crazy tonight after all this, but she made a good point - who WOULDN'T feel slightly stressed with everything we have going on? Ok, she did diagnose me with a mild case of OCD, but I honestly saw that one coming. I think I was ignoring it for a long time until it started giving me anxiety recently. She said I could increase my Zoloft, but I said no. I'd rather have a few OCD tendencies and a little anxiety than to potentially affect my baby by increasing it anymore. She did say she would *prefer* I wean him at 6 months so she could put me on a different medication (in place of the Zoloft) that seems to be more effective for Fibromyalgia. Once again, though, I'm choosing not to. If you checked out my workout blog you'll see I'm choosing to a more natural fight against the Fibro by working out and changing what I eat, and I've had small flare-ups (mostly from having this cold), but overall I've been feeling pretty good!! Besides, if it is not keeping me from being able to take care of my family then I don't see the point of taking a medication that would require me to wean my baby early. They insist 6 months isn't "early," but to ME it is!

So, I did get my referral to the neurologist so I can finally see if there might be something more going on. The psychiatrist was very surprised that they recommended I see her first. She said their job as physicians is to rule out ANY medical conditions BEFORE sending someone to behavioral health. After I thought about it that really does make sense. What if they are dismissing something that is really serious?? They could be putting someone's life at risk! I'm grateful that does not seem to be the case with me, but still! She said she was very surprised at how I seem to be handling the trials in our life at the moment. I told her it is simply because God gives us the strength to handle them and I know no-matter what comes our way He is still in control. Don't get me wrong - I stress out - as I mentioned earlier about my breakdown tonight, but I am human after-all. Silly human nature! And tonight I'm even struggling with the "why us? and why ALL of this?" thing tonight, but I know God has a reason for everything, and He loves us! And how blessed are we for that!! After saying those things to her she was like "um, I honestly don't even think we need to have regular visits." So, I guess it makes me feel good to confirm I have it somewhat together!

But if I do not get some sleep I surely won't feel like I have it together tomorrow! haha Oh, and I just realized I have a rash on my hand, too! What a crazy night!