Monday, September 20, 2010
My fitness journey: Introducing my new blog
My fitness journey: Introducing my new blog: "I have decided to start a separate blog for my fitness journey. I feel so blessed to have been introduced to the Beachbody opportunity to im..."
Monday, September 13, 2010
Our 5th Anniversary
Wow, I can't believe it's been 5 years!! And what a blessed 5 years it has been! I'm sure some people could look at it and say we've definitely faced many challenges in our 5 years of marriage, but I just feel blessed that we had each other to face those challenges with - together! There was even a time I feared the challenges would tear us apart, but God has been faithful to keep us strong for each other and for our kids. After 5 years I am still so in love with my husband, and I look forward to being in love with him for many more years!!
We celebrated our anniversary a day early by going to Medieval Times. It was SO much fun, and a much needed date night out! The food was fantastic, the entertainment was well, entertaining, and the experience was awesome. We went all out because well, the 5 year mark is a big deal, right!? We got the "Royal Package," which included front row seats, and we even got a special announcement package where they announced our anniversary during the show, and after it we got "knighted" by the king. What a blast! The kids quickly claimed the flags and the paper crowns when we got home! haha What a very special day! I try hard not to take any days for granted and cherish all the moments!
I know I haven't yet updated on my husband's oncologist appointment. This past week we have just been having so much fun! haha And, well, I don't exactly know how to explain it to where it doesn't sound a bit odd. Basically we were presented with three options: biopsy the tumor, perform chemo without a biopsy, or wait to perform another PET scan. Options in detail to follow:
Biopsy the tumor to make sure 100% that it is a mixed germ cell tumor (mixed germ cell is typical of testicular cancer, and although my husband's make-up was slightly different than the "average" mixed germ cell tumor, it was a mixed germ cell nonetheless), although it can very likely be assumed this tumor is from the spread of his testicular cancer given the location (it just happens to be one of the lymph nodes the doctor didn't choose to remove during his RPLND) and history. It kind of makes sense that since the lymph nodes were NOT affected at the time of the RPLND they wouldn't remove that one due to the fact that it is right by the vena cava. That alone poses a risk. So a biopsy would pose TWO risks - one being the location, and the other being they would basically have to perform almost the exact same surgery as the RPLND to get to it! He is already having complications from his RPLND, and such a surgery is guaranteed to make them worse. Ultimately, this did not sound like a good option, and EVERY doctor called to discuss his case suggested NOT to pursue this option.
So, option number two was chemotherapy with the assumption that this truly is a germ cell tumor as a direct result of the testicular cancer. The oncologist as well as the urologist are fairly confident that's exactly what this is, and if that is the case, it would be very sensitive to chemotherapy and would be gone in 3 treatments. (3 treatments of 5 days in a row of chemo, 3 weeks off.) But there is a small chance it is a *different* type of cancer such as a lymphoma. Given his age and history, this would be almost a ridiculous notion, but there's always that "maybe." And not ALL cancers do respond to chemotherapy, so if that is the case, he'd be getting it for no good reason. Because there are risks with chemotherapy (such as a terminal form of leukemia that cannot be cured), the question was if this should happen 10 years down the road would he question that decision to just jump into the chemotherapy without actually knowing if that was the answer - or worse - that it is a different cancer, and the chemo didn't even work on it AND the side effects were for nothing.
So option #3. WAIT. And this is where it seems a little funny. And I mean funny like odd, not like haha funny. Basically the thought is if we wait a few more weeks a couple things could happen - the tumor gets bigger but is still unaccessible or the tumor gets big enough that the cancer cells have to find another home - preferably somewhere with easy access for a biopsy so they do know exactly where it is. Because they are fairly confident this is a mixed germ cell tumor we're dealing with, spreading isn't as scary as it sounds because of how sensitive it is to chemo. In fact, the treatment regiment would still be exactly the same. Now if it doesn't spread but has still gotten bigger, chemo will probably still be recommended. But at least at that point we will know we would've waited to make sure we did everything we could before just going for the chemo. It's very possible they'll suggest waiting again. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. But yes, for now, we wait. He will repeat his PET scan on Sept 30th.
And so there is always option #4. God's healing touch. According to my faith I absolutely believe in God's healing powers. But I also believe in praying for God's Will. I believe God heals people in different ways for His glory. My husband and I have talked a lot about the subject. I mean how can you not when I have Fibromyalgia, our oldest son is on the Autism spectrum, and his cancer? We have had many of our friends and family ask "why?" Why does it all have to happen to us? I can't exactly answer that, but I can say that no matter how hard Satan tries to interfere, we are sill glorifying and praising God! Perhaps that fact alone is the reason! If we touch one lost soul by our love for God despite our challenges, then it is all worth it! These bodies are not our own! They belong to God! He will not give us more than we can handle, and we will not leave us or forsake us! We are his vessels to be the light in the darkness! If we focus only on the darkness, how can we be that light for others? Not receiving healing does NOT equal a lack of faith. I am not saying anyone should claim their problems, but I am saying we should stop focusing on them and start focusing on what is the purpose. How is God using them to his glory? Perhaps when we look at that we'll realize our "problems" aren't as bad as they seem! I have full faith that God's Will will be done, and that it will be the right thing regardless of whether or not it seems "right" to us. And so, that is what I will continue to pray - for God's Will, and for Him to sustain us and give us peace. And He always does! I pray we will always be a light in the darkness.
We celebrated our anniversary a day early by going to Medieval Times. It was SO much fun, and a much needed date night out! The food was fantastic, the entertainment was well, entertaining, and the experience was awesome. We went all out because well, the 5 year mark is a big deal, right!? We got the "Royal Package," which included front row seats, and we even got a special announcement package where they announced our anniversary during the show, and after it we got "knighted" by the king. What a blast! The kids quickly claimed the flags and the paper crowns when we got home! haha What a very special day! I try hard not to take any days for granted and cherish all the moments!
I know I haven't yet updated on my husband's oncologist appointment. This past week we have just been having so much fun! haha And, well, I don't exactly know how to explain it to where it doesn't sound a bit odd. Basically we were presented with three options: biopsy the tumor, perform chemo without a biopsy, or wait to perform another PET scan. Options in detail to follow:
Biopsy the tumor to make sure 100% that it is a mixed germ cell tumor (mixed germ cell is typical of testicular cancer, and although my husband's make-up was slightly different than the "average" mixed germ cell tumor, it was a mixed germ cell nonetheless), although it can very likely be assumed this tumor is from the spread of his testicular cancer given the location (it just happens to be one of the lymph nodes the doctor didn't choose to remove during his RPLND) and history. It kind of makes sense that since the lymph nodes were NOT affected at the time of the RPLND they wouldn't remove that one due to the fact that it is right by the vena cava. That alone poses a risk. So a biopsy would pose TWO risks - one being the location, and the other being they would basically have to perform almost the exact same surgery as the RPLND to get to it! He is already having complications from his RPLND, and such a surgery is guaranteed to make them worse. Ultimately, this did not sound like a good option, and EVERY doctor called to discuss his case suggested NOT to pursue this option.
So, option number two was chemotherapy with the assumption that this truly is a germ cell tumor as a direct result of the testicular cancer. The oncologist as well as the urologist are fairly confident that's exactly what this is, and if that is the case, it would be very sensitive to chemotherapy and would be gone in 3 treatments. (3 treatments of 5 days in a row of chemo, 3 weeks off.) But there is a small chance it is a *different* type of cancer such as a lymphoma. Given his age and history, this would be almost a ridiculous notion, but there's always that "maybe." And not ALL cancers do respond to chemotherapy, so if that is the case, he'd be getting it for no good reason. Because there are risks with chemotherapy (such as a terminal form of leukemia that cannot be cured), the question was if this should happen 10 years down the road would he question that decision to just jump into the chemotherapy without actually knowing if that was the answer - or worse - that it is a different cancer, and the chemo didn't even work on it AND the side effects were for nothing.
So option #3. WAIT. And this is where it seems a little funny. And I mean funny like odd, not like haha funny. Basically the thought is if we wait a few more weeks a couple things could happen - the tumor gets bigger but is still unaccessible or the tumor gets big enough that the cancer cells have to find another home - preferably somewhere with easy access for a biopsy so they do know exactly where it is. Because they are fairly confident this is a mixed germ cell tumor we're dealing with, spreading isn't as scary as it sounds because of how sensitive it is to chemo. In fact, the treatment regiment would still be exactly the same. Now if it doesn't spread but has still gotten bigger, chemo will probably still be recommended. But at least at that point we will know we would've waited to make sure we did everything we could before just going for the chemo. It's very possible they'll suggest waiting again. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. But yes, for now, we wait. He will repeat his PET scan on Sept 30th.
And so there is always option #4. God's healing touch. According to my faith I absolutely believe in God's healing powers. But I also believe in praying for God's Will. I believe God heals people in different ways for His glory. My husband and I have talked a lot about the subject. I mean how can you not when I have Fibromyalgia, our oldest son is on the Autism spectrum, and his cancer? We have had many of our friends and family ask "why?" Why does it all have to happen to us? I can't exactly answer that, but I can say that no matter how hard Satan tries to interfere, we are sill glorifying and praising God! Perhaps that fact alone is the reason! If we touch one lost soul by our love for God despite our challenges, then it is all worth it! These bodies are not our own! They belong to God! He will not give us more than we can handle, and we will not leave us or forsake us! We are his vessels to be the light in the darkness! If we focus only on the darkness, how can we be that light for others? Not receiving healing does NOT equal a lack of faith. I am not saying anyone should claim their problems, but I am saying we should stop focusing on them and start focusing on what is the purpose. How is God using them to his glory? Perhaps when we look at that we'll realize our "problems" aren't as bad as they seem! I have full faith that God's Will will be done, and that it will be the right thing regardless of whether or not it seems "right" to us. And so, that is what I will continue to pray - for God's Will, and for Him to sustain us and give us peace. And He always does! I pray we will always be a light in the darkness.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
We got some bad news
I'm not feeling the greatest as I am both physically and emotionally exhausted today, but I wanted to blog about the latest news we got concerning my husband's cancer.
He had a PET done this morning. We got the call for his results about an hour after he got home. He went outside to talk on the phone, so I was pacing the house nervously. The results did come back showing a "hot spot" where the tumor is. The Oncologist said there are different ways we can address this. His original tumors were mixed (some seminoma and a few different types of non-seminoma: carcinoma, teratoma). We were told it had a high likelihood of returning. We'll have no idea what the breakdown of this tumor is without a biopsy. The only problem is the tumor is very close to the vena cava. It wouldn't be a simple biopsy for sure and would require surgery, and there are obviously risks because of where it is. Or because of his history, do they just go ahead and start a regiment of chemotherapy? Some types don't respond to chemo, though, but it seems like they'd ultimately still try it anyway. This is new for us, though, because his last tumors were isolated and didn't require chemo. Chances are high this tumor resulted from the testicular cancer and isn't a new cancer (like lymphoma, though that IS a possibility since it's a lymph node, but not very likely). Sooo... without going into tons of details - because I'm sure you can imagine neither option is exactly pleasant - we're waiting until his appointment on Tuesday to talk to the oncologist and urologist after they have had a chance to discuss it with each other, and they'll be wanting our input as well. As if we have a clue! We have a lot of research to do and things to discuss over this wonderful 4-day weekend!
And, unfortunately, I probably won't be able to go with him to his appointment because he would be there during the time Bubs's bus come for school, and that's his first day back to school! I'm afraid of throwing a curve ball on his first day back. I know he's excited to go back either way, but it is still likely to throw off his day. And that's even if we could get a sitter who could come to our house during that time. I don't even know what anybody's schedule is anymore and who is or isn't available. It just stinks that his Dr is an hour's drive away. Yes, an hour to drive less than 20 miles. It's horrendous!
I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I know ultimately everything is in God's hands. That's what got us through this before, and that's what will get us through this again. The possibilities are unsettling, and I don't think I'm ready to think about it yet. We've actually discussed having the kids and myself move to wherever it is we plan to settle when his Med Board is over before it's even over so the kids and I will be near family and friends, and we can get them settled into something "regular." We've even discussed it may be easier because my husband always feels the need to help out even when he doesn't feel well, and we obviously wouldn't have to worry about that in that case. But the fact that his Med Board is stalled again because of these new findings and the fact that it could still take up to 9 months (the last estimate they gave him) for it to happen, we're not sure that really IS the best thing. Just more things to think about I suppose.
He had a PET done this morning. We got the call for his results about an hour after he got home. He went outside to talk on the phone, so I was pacing the house nervously. The results did come back showing a "hot spot" where the tumor is. The Oncologist said there are different ways we can address this. His original tumors were mixed (some seminoma and a few different types of non-seminoma: carcinoma, teratoma). We were told it had a high likelihood of returning. We'll have no idea what the breakdown of this tumor is without a biopsy. The only problem is the tumor is very close to the vena cava. It wouldn't be a simple biopsy for sure and would require surgery, and there are obviously risks because of where it is. Or because of his history, do they just go ahead and start a regiment of chemotherapy? Some types don't respond to chemo, though, but it seems like they'd ultimately still try it anyway. This is new for us, though, because his last tumors were isolated and didn't require chemo. Chances are high this tumor resulted from the testicular cancer and isn't a new cancer (like lymphoma, though that IS a possibility since it's a lymph node, but not very likely). Sooo... without going into tons of details - because I'm sure you can imagine neither option is exactly pleasant - we're waiting until his appointment on Tuesday to talk to the oncologist and urologist after they have had a chance to discuss it with each other, and they'll be wanting our input as well. As if we have a clue! We have a lot of research to do and things to discuss over this wonderful 4-day weekend!
And, unfortunately, I probably won't be able to go with him to his appointment because he would be there during the time Bubs's bus come for school, and that's his first day back to school! I'm afraid of throwing a curve ball on his first day back. I know he's excited to go back either way, but it is still likely to throw off his day. And that's even if we could get a sitter who could come to our house during that time. I don't even know what anybody's schedule is anymore and who is or isn't available. It just stinks that his Dr is an hour's drive away. Yes, an hour to drive less than 20 miles. It's horrendous!
I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I know ultimately everything is in God's hands. That's what got us through this before, and that's what will get us through this again. The possibilities are unsettling, and I don't think I'm ready to think about it yet. We've actually discussed having the kids and myself move to wherever it is we plan to settle when his Med Board is over before it's even over so the kids and I will be near family and friends, and we can get them settled into something "regular." We've even discussed it may be easier because my husband always feels the need to help out even when he doesn't feel well, and we obviously wouldn't have to worry about that in that case. But the fact that his Med Board is stalled again because of these new findings and the fact that it could still take up to 9 months (the last estimate they gave him) for it to happen, we're not sure that really IS the best thing. Just more things to think about I suppose.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
I love my baby boy
So I'm laying here at 2am just loving the fact that even though I'm having a hard time sleeping (as always), I have my little moose-lion next to me and a phone I can blog on! Haha
Seriously, babies are so amazing! Even after three, I'm still in awe every day! And that statement can definitely be applied to the older two as well! But as I lay here feeling his little breath on my chest and his little feet fluttering sporadically I'm just thinking about all the things babies accomplish in 4 months!
The moose-lion officially turned 4 months on the 26th. (And I turned 29 on the 24th! Where did time go?) He went from not even having his suck reflex at birth and transitional breathing issues to being able to nurse while he sleeps to cooing with the sweetest deep voice I've ever heard a baby have! (Yes, I realize I'm biased on the "sweetest" part, but I have truly never heard a baby with a voice as deep as his! It's so cute!) But that is what amazes me about babies! Their ability to learn and grow so much so quickly... And yet still remain so dependent. Parenting is such a unique blessing in that way! We must provide their needs while encouraging them to grow and develop! Babies are born with survival instincts, but human babies really need that social interaction to truly survive - and thrive! I'm just so enamored by my sweet baby!
And the other thing I consider such a blessing is I've felt this way THREE times! God is SO good! When we had our first I was amazed by how quickly that motherly love takes place! It's immediate and amazingly beautiful! I truly couldn't imagine feeling that intensity again! I mean, could I truly have more love to give? Then the princess was born, and I experienced it all over again and instantly knew she wasn't just "another baby," but another incredibly unique little human being! (And those two really are total opposites!) So a lot of people said we should stop since we have one of each with two unique personalities, but we just didn't feel like our family was complete yet! I admit after having our second miscarriage and getting Bubs's diagnosis of PDD-NOS even I considered not trying to conceive anymore. We couldn't ignore that "feeling," though, and sure enough when we were "taking a break" from TTC around this time last year the moose-lion's plans were already coming to fruition by God's Will.
When we found out this past November that my husband had testicular cancer I was 20 weeks pregnant. We didn't fully understand how amazing God's timing was until the Dr.'s explained that most men become infertile PRIOR to their diagnosis! How humbling is that!?
And so here he is! Another unique little human being. So dependent on his little instincts to nurse in the middle of the night, cry and fuss if he needs something, and yet growing so quickly - I get smiles every morning, little giggles when I tickle his belly, "conversations," and he already has a love and appreciation for his big brother and sister! Watching him, our last little baby, grow is somewhat bittersweet. But right now I'm just going to revel in this moment after he falls asleep right after nursing and I feel his little breath on me and cuddle him close.
Seriously, babies are so amazing! Even after three, I'm still in awe every day! And that statement can definitely be applied to the older two as well! But as I lay here feeling his little breath on my chest and his little feet fluttering sporadically I'm just thinking about all the things babies accomplish in 4 months!
The moose-lion officially turned 4 months on the 26th. (And I turned 29 on the 24th! Where did time go?) He went from not even having his suck reflex at birth and transitional breathing issues to being able to nurse while he sleeps to cooing with the sweetest deep voice I've ever heard a baby have! (Yes, I realize I'm biased on the "sweetest" part, but I have truly never heard a baby with a voice as deep as his! It's so cute!) But that is what amazes me about babies! Their ability to learn and grow so much so quickly... And yet still remain so dependent. Parenting is such a unique blessing in that way! We must provide their needs while encouraging them to grow and develop! Babies are born with survival instincts, but human babies really need that social interaction to truly survive - and thrive! I'm just so enamored by my sweet baby!
And the other thing I consider such a blessing is I've felt this way THREE times! God is SO good! When we had our first I was amazed by how quickly that motherly love takes place! It's immediate and amazingly beautiful! I truly couldn't imagine feeling that intensity again! I mean, could I truly have more love to give? Then the princess was born, and I experienced it all over again and instantly knew she wasn't just "another baby," but another incredibly unique little human being! (And those two really are total opposites!) So a lot of people said we should stop since we have one of each with two unique personalities, but we just didn't feel like our family was complete yet! I admit after having our second miscarriage and getting Bubs's diagnosis of PDD-NOS even I considered not trying to conceive anymore. We couldn't ignore that "feeling," though, and sure enough when we were "taking a break" from TTC around this time last year the moose-lion's plans were already coming to fruition by God's Will.
When we found out this past November that my husband had testicular cancer I was 20 weeks pregnant. We didn't fully understand how amazing God's timing was until the Dr.'s explained that most men become infertile PRIOR to their diagnosis! How humbling is that!?
And so here he is! Another unique little human being. So dependent on his little instincts to nurse in the middle of the night, cry and fuss if he needs something, and yet growing so quickly - I get smiles every morning, little giggles when I tickle his belly, "conversations," and he already has a love and appreciation for his big brother and sister! Watching him, our last little baby, grow is somewhat bittersweet. But right now I'm just going to revel in this moment after he falls asleep right after nursing and I feel his little breath on me and cuddle him close.
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Thursday, August 19, 2010
How far?
How far can you stretch $20 in 11 days? Um, well, I'll let you know in 11 days. I'm guessing it will be gone in 2 days for gas considering my husband's drive to work and our multiple Dr appointments at multiple locations. *sigh* Maybe my Celebrating Home party will be better than I think (not looking so good right now) or maybe I'll sell some of the stuff I posted on Craigslist (no responses yet.). The anxiety is building! I just have to remind myself that God will provide. And prayers surely wouldn't hurt!
And what's with always hitting a financial wall right around my birthday? I don't want expensive gifts or anything but going out to dinner or something would've been nice! I'm sure my wonderful husband and kids will cook up something very special that won't cost a thing! :)
And what's with always hitting a financial wall right around my birthday? I don't want expensive gifts or anything but going out to dinner or something would've been nice! I'm sure my wonderful husband and kids will cook up something very special that won't cost a thing! :)
Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.2
Friday, August 13, 2010
Blogging from my phone
So I downloaded an app on my HTC Hero called Blogger-droid. I decided I'd try it out right quick. So this is it! I really need to get some sleep, though. I've been having horrible pain from my wisdom tooth scratching my cheek. The whole left side of my face and neck swelled up! It's feeling a little better now - probably in part to some Tylenol! I'm definitely going to try to get some good sleep tonight! Hopefully the baby moose-lion will have the same agenda tonight. He's been restless all day! I do treasure some of our middle of the night bonding moments, but nights like tonight I'd really enjoy some sleep!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.2
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Yum!
I love Chinese food, and we found a new place that makes great food and delivers in a very timely manner! This could be good or bad...
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